VH1’s ‘Rock of Love Bus’ Premieres Tonight (Sunday, January 4th)

The whore parade continues tonight on VH1’s ‘Rock of Love Bus’, the third installment in the ‘Rock of Love’ with Bret Michaels reality series.
I’m not sure who is in charge of casting for this show, but I am pretty sure it’s a guy who’s getting blowjobs in exchange for a place on the show.
VH1 has always been good at casting high-drama, ultra sluts but this time they have outdone themselves.
Almost all the girls have what seem to be stage names, they all wear stripper shoes and most of them have super-sized implants, and I’m not talking about D-cups either.
Let’s meet the super skanks, shall we?
First off, I’m going to make a Spicy Prediction as to who the final three will be. Basically, I am choosing the three that look the least infectious. Remember, these are simply first impressions. I have yet to even hear one of them talk.

1. Stephanie - I am going to choose Stephanie as the winner. She is a pretty girl who, at least from what I can see in her photos, doesn’t have to have G-cup implants, Lucite heels or fish lips to get noticed. Let’s just call her the lesser of the evils, I mean, she is on Rock of Love Bus…

2. & 3. Kelsey & Maria - Honestly, I think either of these girls could also be the last one standing. I chose them for the same reasons I chose Stephanie as being in the top 3. Least skanky. And hey, I kinda am digging on Maria’s hot little punk number..
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Now let’s see the flip (and very scary) side. The nastiest hos on the show.

1. Nikki - Definitely the token freakshow hooker. Nikki is the new Daisy, just without the sleeves, and even bigger bazookas. I’m sure she has the IQ of bag of rocks, and a vag with the diameter of one of her implants.

2. & 3. Jasmineva & Constandina - Jasmineva just screams, “Look what I have to offer to the world!” Boobs that double as a big ol’ ass and hammer toes. As for Constandina, oh my. All I can think of when I see her is Pete Burns. If you don’t know who he is, Google him…if you dare.

4. & 5. Farrah & Brittania - Who knew that Heather from ROL1 had a twin? Brittania says, “Me so hooo-ney!”

6. & 7. Ashley & Melissa - Ashley is another Daisy clone, and Melissa, well, I am pretty sure I have seen her on MySpace. She could pass for a sluttier version of Jessica Simpson. Her porn name could be Jessicles Pimps’em.

8. & 9. Natasha & Marcy - These two are giving the thumbs up on entry to any orafice.

10. & 11. Beverly & Marcia - Someone should have old Bev to wear a bra. And Marica, looks like the girl everyone is going to walk on.
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Then there are the trailer trash girls….


1. Gia - Hmm, I wonder what’s in that mini suitcase? I’m guessing a half ounce of crystal meth!

2. & 3. Megan & Heather - Both these girls look like your run-of-the-mill small town party girls who will fight men (and the cops) after a few pitchers of Old Milwaukee.
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The”Moms”. Not that I know they are really moms, like I said, these are simply my first impressions. But these ones look like those moms who boink their daughters boyfriends..


1. Samantha - There is no way you can’t think of Peggy Bundy when you see pants like that paired with those sandals. Nevermind the red hair..

2. & 3. - Mindy & Taya - Mindy strikes me as a master contortionist. Like she could wrap herself around a pole three times before sliding down, head first. Taya could be a former beauty queen…turned internet star, if you know what I mean.
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Rock of Love Bus premieres tonight at 9PM on VH1. Make sure you double bag your television!!

Related Smacks

* Rock of Love Charm School [Preview]
* VH1’s ‘Daisy of Love’ - Casting Call!
* The Rest of the ‘Charm School: Rock of Love Girls’ Promo Pics
* The Blind Leading the Blind
* Bret Michaels is Full of It


Source: fashion.ie