All Sorts Of American Idol Folk Win American Music Awards

Since the Black Eyed Peas haven't released any albums this year, we can't have been alone in thinking that it'd cause the American Music Awards to burst into flames and disappear into a vortex.

After all, we thought the Black Eyed Peas were contractually obliged to always win all of the American Music Awards, lest America wants to feel their wrath. But clearly that isn't the case - the 2007 American Music Awards took place yesterday with American Idol contestants Chris Daughtry and Carrie Underwood dominating the prizes. Why? Because it was the first time that the American public had been allowed to choose the winners, that's why - so we suppose we should just count our blessings that the Chocolate Rain bloke and the sodding Hamburglar didn't win everything instead.

In Britain we have The Brits - a chance to celebrate the best in British music while laughing at how funny Joss Stone's voice sounds these days - but in America they have the Grammys. And the People's Choice Awards. And the American Music Awards. And the MTV VMAs. And the Billboard Music Awards. And the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame induction ceremony. But for the purposes of the next couple of minutes, let's all pretend really hard that the American Music Awards are the important ones.

That's because - barring the award ceremony we just had in our head just now where we were the only nominees and we still didn't manage to win anything - the American Music Awards took place most recently. And this wasn't any old American Music Awards show, because this year marked the very first time that the American public got to pick the winners. And, on the basis that the public are generally stupid and wrong about everything, that meant that this year's American Music Awards would be the stupidest and wrongest ever - an idea reinforced by having Jimmy Kimmel as the host.

And the result of this changing in voting procedure meant that the American Music Awards winners this year couldn't have been further removed from the winners of last year. At the 2006 American Music Awards, for example, the big winners were the Black Eyed Peas and Kelly Clarkson from American Idol. This year, however, the bulk of the American Music Awards went to Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas and Carrie Underwood and Chris Daughtry from American Idol. Completely different.

Carrie Underwood, the woman who - let's not forget - is primarily famous for being a sexy vegetarian, walked off with the Best Country Female Artist, Best Country Album and T-Mobile Text-In Awards, while Chris Daughtry's band Daughtry won Best Rock Album, Best Breakthrough Artist and Best Adult Contemporary, even though by and large they sound useless.

Other winners at last night's American Music Awards went to Justin Timberlake, Akon, Rihannah, Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez and, if you ever needed proof of the American Music Awards' complete lack of credibility, Nickelback. And if any of this news has affected your day in the slightest, you probably only have yourself to blame.

Source: hecklerspray.com