They want to live life, khul ke

Vidya Balan has felt the pain and the limitations that the disabled go through. But she realises that their zest for life doesn't dim.

I know it will be preposterous on my part to advice or suggest how the disabled should lead their lives.

But having experienced their highs and their sorrows through Meenu, my character in the film Guru, I want to talk about the memories of those days. It's about her - a girl suffering from Multiple Sclerosis - and many others whom I met while preparing for the role. But also, it is about all of us who claim to be 'normal'.

'It was difficult'
I wasn't even aware of the disease Multiple Sclerosis until Mani Ratnam narrated the role of Meenu to me. Then of course, I started reading up and I saw a lot of documentary films about the lives of people suffering from the disease. I also started meeting those who were afflicted by the disease. I spent a lot of time with them and their families to get to know about the problems they face, and how they deal with them. But the most difficult part was when I had to 'train' myself to play Meenu. I found even operating the wheelchair very difficult. And I had to work hard to learn it as it comes as a second nature to the person who is using it.

'I felt the pain'
There was a new realisation everyday. There was a scene where Meenu is on the wharf and Shyam (Madhavan) proposes marriage to her. To dissuade him from taking a 'wrong' decision, a concerned Meenu tries to explain her condition... the fact that she doesn't even have control over her bladder. When I said, "...Hamsa nahin dekhti to bistar gila ho jata hai," I actually felt the pain of Meenu. I realised that everyday is an effort for many like Meenu. It is difficult to go through simplest of day-to-day functions, which most of us don't even give a thought to. Many a times, we actors have to internalise the nuances of the characters we play and that's what I did in Guru. Once, I was so deep in the role that my legs froze and I passed out. Doctor told me that my mind was working overtime. I still remember the incident clearly and what I went through during those moments. It still scares me.

'Let them feel normal'
One of my friends suffers from Parkinson's disease and I have seen how even brushing her teeth is difficult for her. We all struggle, but for them life is a constant struggle to do every little thing. Because of this, people around them assume that being sympathetic is the key but that proves to be a downward spiral. It is the psychological debilitation that is more traumatic. Here, I guess, the perfect behaviour would be that of Meenu's grandfather (Mithun Chakraborty). He treats her normally. He's aware and careful about her problem, but doesn't let her feel abnormal. One should be able to give that required strength to them. Positive attitude is the key.

'That zest for life is unbelievable'
Meenu wants to live every moment even when she knows that she is inching towards the end. She is holding on and her spirit is invincible, while we get bogged down by small problems. She's an inspiration for me. There is a sequence in the film where Shyam kisses Meenu. She knows that she is dying; she has never done things normally - from her school to youth. And now, here is this man who is telling her that "even if you are alive for 419 days, I will be with you." He breathes life into her. It's about emotions, it's about love, it's about sharing. After the film released, many disabled people applauded the scene. It touched them because all they want is to live fully. I, by and large, based the characterisation of Meenu on a friend who has been bedridden for 12 years. But her zest for life is unbelievable. And she laughs, khul ke. I am sure that everybody wants to be happy. They also want to get up without pain. They want to live life, khul ke.

Source: timesofindia.indiatimes.com